Gerard: Elsa, Lanaya, and an annoyed vampire

Can't have a good fantasy group cast without infighting, am I right?




“So that’s it?!”, Zack cried. Gerard was surprised at his outburst, given that he had no relation to Alicia and no reason to care that she existed, or why she was here. “Some strange demon just brings you here, and now you’re alive again?” Alicia nodded. “Yep. Pretty much.” Gerard shook his head. “Doesn’t really matter to me. I’m just grateful to have you back. You do know how long you’ve been dead, right?” Alicia shook her head. “No, actually.” She sat down next to Gerard and leaned into his shoulder. “Frankly, I don’t give a flying fuck. I’m alive, I have you, and I’m never touching that shit again.” Gerard smiled and wrapped an arm around her. Mary cleared her throat loudly. “Are we all forgetting that we’re in a floating castle above the Earth, held in place by demonic magic?” Something clicked in Gerard’s mind. He felt somewhat different, and suddenly decided to leave. His sword and guns clattered to the ground. “Nah, I’m out. Fuck this, and fuck you people.” His gauntlets hit the floor, and Alicia felt his bare hand touch hers. The feeling sent a rush of warmth through her, and she couldn’t help but pull him closer. The pair smiled, and walked out of the room arm in arm. Gerard’s face was the next thing to hit the floor, knocking Alicia off balance. He had been felled by a mighty punch to the back of the head by Zack. “Are you kidding me right now?!”, Zack cried. “A demon lord, literally a ruler among evil things from beyond our realm, is using your father, who you had no clue was a vampire, as an anchor to the mortal realm, and you, the one with that same blood in your veins, are just fucking leaving?!” Gerard got up slowly, rubbing his aching head. “That’s about the size of it, sucker punches. If that’s a problem with you, we can take this outside.” Zack growled. He could practically feel his blood boiling. “Don’t you feel any sense of responsibility? Don’t you care what happens because of this? Don’t you get the fact that the entire world, if not the entire universe, is in danger?!”, Zack cried, gesticulating wildly. Gerard stared down at the floor for a minute before replying. “How do you think it feels?”, he whispered. Zack perked up. “Elaborate, vampire boy.” “How do you think it feels to lose somebody? Somebody dear? As long as I’m here, Alicia’s at risk. I won’t lose her again. We’re going home, and we’re going far away.”

Zack’s metal-clad fist met Gerard’s chin, sending him flying into the high ceiling, then crashing back down. “Fucking asshole!”, Zack screamed, “I know exactly how it feels to lose somebody! I was watching my sister fade away! She was practically dead when I came here! She’s in front of me, right now, and I’m not going any fucking where!” Short, angry puffs of breath punctuated Zack’s sentences. “You, on the other hand, want to be a selfish little entitled prick just because your girlfriend is back! Fine, go then! Forget the world! Forget everybody! But don’t complain when you lose her again, and a whole lot more.” Gerard got to his feet again. “I’ll take what I can get.”, he said calmly. Zack’s vision went white, and he had no control over his body as his fist flew toward Gerard’s face again. This time, Gerard caught it. A flick of Gerard’s wrist sent Zack flying into the wall, leaving an imprint of his bulky armor. “Don’t.”, Gerard sighed, “Just fucking don’t, kid. I won’t hesitate to kill you this time.” Mary stepped forward to protect her brother, magic energies crackling in her palms. “You lay a hand on my brother, I’ll torch you and your dead girlfriend.” The room was silent, save for the babbling fountain and the crack and pop of Mary’s hands. “Let me reiterate.”, Gerard said loudly and firmly, “Fuck. You. Fuck. All you people. Fuck the world, and fuck my goddamned destiny. I am out. Alicia is coming home with me. Was that clear enough?” “That does it, you whiny little snot!”, Zack cried, and threw himself and his blade at Gerard. Mary waved her hands, and a bubble of magical energy surrounded Zack, pulling him away from Gerard. “Let me go, dammit!”, Zack cried, striking the bubble with his sword. “No.”, Mary said coldly, “Let them go.” The bubble held until Zack was relatively calm, then disappeared, dropping him to the floor. Without another word, Gerard and Alicia walked out of the room hand in hand. “Even without Gerard, there is a way…”, Philemon said, bending down to take a sip from the fountain. Zack and Mary turned to him. “Go ahead.”, they sighed in perfect unison. As Alicia walked away, the feeling in Mary’s gut, the strange compulsion, grew stronger and stronger. She wanted to start walking, to stay near Alicia, but she fought the urge down and stood near her brother.

Elsa watched from the shadows as the mysterious woman that had drawn her in walked hand in hand toward the edge of the castle grounds with the vampire in armor. She carefully chose a peaceful moment in a quiet moonlit hallway, and stepped forward. Gerard’s sword was at her throat before she could blink. “I won’t take any more shit. Not from you, not from anybody.” The harsh whisper almost came out as a hiss. Elsa’s hands went into the air. “Please, relax.”, she said as calmly as she could, “I need to ask you a favor.” “Hmph.” Gerard sheathed his sword. “Gimme one good fucking reason I shouldn’t knock you into next Tuesday and leave here. Preferably one I haven’t heard yet.” Elsa bowed. “I am special agent Elsa Schwarz. I’ve been sent here by an organization called ANGEL. We have been keeping an eye on this castle and its ruler for a long time.” Gerard yawned. “Cut to the chase, lady. You’re wasting my time.” Elsa nodded. “Fine. Victor, the ruler of this castle, poses a threat to this world. I need your sword in order to strike him down.” A series of clanks and crashes rang out as Gerard’s guns, sword, shield, armor, and ammo stash all hit the floor. “Knock yourself out.”, he sighed as he started walking again, with Alicia close behind. “You…”, Elsa gasped as she locked eyes with Alicia, “What are you?” Alicia shook her head. “That’s a bad question. Just know that I’m not your enemy.”, she said quietly, then clung to Gerard’s bare arm. The pair made their way out of the hallway toward the exit without another word. Elsa pushed the button behind her right ear to make a call to home base. “The Lord’s son has left the building. I’ve convinced him to give me his arms and armor. Should I bring them back for examination, or use them to proceed immediately?” Static signaled that the voice on the other end was deliberating their answer for a few seconds. “Proceed, Agent Elsa.” She was a bit taken aback. “Are you certain? We could analyze this equipment and supply a small army for an expedition to this castle…” “Agent, we don’t have time for that. The castle is… the castle is letting off blasts every hour or so that are wiping cities off the map.” Elsa gasped. She felt her chest grow hollow. “What is the death toll so far? And… did they hit..” “Hamburg is fine for now, Agent Elsa. The death toll is already approaching half a billion, so you should proceed quickly. Multiple cities across the United States, Europe, and Asia are smoking ruins. The world is in a panic, and nobody can get close to the castle.” ‘I have to tell the vampire and the strange woman. I can’t let them leave.’ Elsa’s thoughts echoed as she picked up the equipment and ran.

Gerard and Alicia heard footsteps behind them and turned to see the special agent carry Gerard’s equipment. “Wait!”, she cried, “Don’t leave!” Gerard crossed his arms. “Fuck you, lady! I already told you and everybody else we’re out.” Elsa put the equipment down at Gerard’s feet. “The death toll around the world is close to five hundred million, and it’s because of this castle.” Gerard fumed. “Dammit!”, he screamed, “Just when I thought this saga was over! What the fuck did I do to deserve this?!” Grumbling under his breath, he bent down to pick up his equipment. Alicia stroked his back. “Gerard, babe, this is way bigger than us. If we can help, we need to. This castle will wipe the world out if we don’t do something.”, she cooed. “I know, I know…”, came the exasperated reply. “It’s everybody’s business now. We’re bound to start seeing some interesting characters soon.”

“You mean interesting character.” A female voice rang out from the shadows. Elsa fell to the ground with a pained yelp. A young woman in a simple red dress, her bare feet hovering inches off the ground, made her way into the light. “Meeting anybody but me would mean that you would have to live through this fight.” She flipped her shock of purple hair, and her blue eyes glowed red. “Who the fuck are you?”, Gerard cried as he unsheathed his sword and readied his shield. “My name is Lanaya, and you, Gerard Russel, are finished.” Bolts of blue energy seared the roof, then grouped together to cover it. The massive magical energy field covered the entire room. Fireballs erupted from Gerard’s hands and mouth, each one snuffing out a blue lightning bolt. A blast of purple energy flew toward Gerard at blinding speed, and found itself dispelled with a flick of his sword. He charged at the witch as quickly as he could manage, but she disappeared before he could get to her. He felt her behind him, turned on his heel, and let loose a flurry of razor-sharp energy waves. She dodged quickly, apparently unable to teleport a second time, and her dress was shredded to pieces. The naked witch floated in the air wearing nothing but a death’s-head grin. “Now I can really fight!” Gerard was struck by her incredible beauty, but couldn’t help but feel nauseous looking at the strange tattoos that ran up and down her spine and chest. “Gerard, remove those tattoos!”, Alicia yelled to him. The witch spun about on the air, flipping this way and that with incredible speed and agility. “Come on, come on!”, she screeched, “I haven’t got all night, vampire boy!” Gerard ran his hand along the edge of his sword until it drew blood, then rubbed that blood all over the blade. He gave a short grunt, and the blade ignited with black flames. Lanaya cackled gleefully. “Oh, you’re gonna try and burn away my sigils? Oh, help me!”, she cried mockingly. “Laugh it up, ya damn clown!”, Gerard yelled as he shot up into the air to meet her. Lanaya teleported again, and before Gerard could place her location, he felt a sharp pain in the back of his head. He clattered to the ground, then got up just in time to dodge another blast of magical energy, leaving a trail of blood from his head. When he saw another blast coming, he used his shield to deflect it back at its source. It made contact with a sizzle, and Lanaya screamed. For the first time since the fight began, her painted toes touched the ground. “You really wanna bring this into close range, vampire boy?” He leveled his blade at her. “You bet I do, exhibitionist.” A swirling vortex materialized in front of Lanaya. “What can I say? I take pride in my body.”, she said as she ran one hand down her curves and retrieved a large sword from the void with the other. The sword glittered with a purple light, but was otherwise unremarkable except for its size. The cutting edge alone was taller than Lanaya. She flipped the blade around in an elegant dance at speeds high enough to leave afterimages in the air. “Come at me, mister hero.” “I wonder which way you mean that!”, Gerard bellowed sarcastically as his heels left the ground and their swords met. She leaned in close to Gerard’s face and kissed him while their blades were locked. “Whichever way you want me to mean it, stud.” She winked at him before breaking contact and leaping backwards. “Cunt!”, Alicia yelped, and leapt at her. “Alicia, no!” Lanaya’s sword shot toward Alicia’s gut. Gerard and his shield made it over just in time to block the blow, but its incredible force sent him sprawling. His vision narrowed to slits and his head rang, but he worked as hard as he could to get slowly to his feet. Lanaya took the opportunity to send a blast of magical energy straight at his heart. “NO!”, Alicia screeched. A pair of white, feathery wings deflected the blow faster than anybody could see. Alicia flew forward on her new wings and pummeled Lanaya. Punch after heavy punch left the witch’s naked body bruised from head to toe, and she could not find the strength to resist. Something about Alicia’s punches immobilized her, and they hurt far more than they had any right to. Before long, the pain was too much, and Lanaya’s consciousness cut out suddenly like a television set whose power cable had been pulled.

Gerard’s sword appeared over her sleeping body. “Wait!”, Alicia cried. “Just get rid of the tattoos. She may have useful information for us when she wakes up.” With a sigh, Gerard lit up his sword again, and dragged it first down Lanaya’s neck, chest, torso, and crotch, then flipped her over and dragged it down her spine. The tattoos were replaced by two long burn marks, and the energy in the room seemed to return to normal. Elsa awoke and got to her feet. “What is… who is…”, she stammered. Gerard shook his head. “Your guess is as good as mine.” Alicia took Gerard’s cape and threw it over the unconscious witch. Gerard simply rolled his eyes. “Ahem…”, Alicia cleared her throat, “You only look at my naked body, ‘vampire boy’.” She winked at Gerard, then kissed him softly. “Anyway, let’s wait for her to wake up. Shouldn’t be too long, people who get their lights punched out normally wake after just a couple of minutes if there’s no permanent damage.” Gerard looked at Lanaya’s battered, bloody face. “No permanent damage…”, he sighed, “Right…”